Ode to the Coleman 502

Dear MSR.  I just want you to know that I think you are the biggest piece of junk ever designed by suburbanite camping yuppies in the history of the known universe.  Do you remember that time in Alaska, 20 miles from nowhere, I had to gnaw on frozen food at –20 degrees Fahrenheit?  How about that time we went sledding and brought everything to make hot chocolate including your sorry @$$.  Didn’t get to drink hot chocolate that day did we?  Why?  Because you failed MSR, you failed when needed most, you failed miserably.

Now let me tell you about a stove that’s worth its salt.  You guessed it, the trusty Coleman model 502.  I’m sure I could tie this stove to the rear bumper of my truck, drive 20 miles down a rocky dirt road and through a river, stop, and cook up some lunch.  You’ll run on just about anything (excluding $8 gas canisters).  I just filled mine up with pump gas right out of the motorcycle’s gas tank this morning, about 30 cents worth.  I bet you’d even run on hot bacon grease to cook some more bacon wouldn’t you?  You just run, that’s what you do.  You don’t leave people hangin’ in the middle of nowhere.  So your design is 50 years old and you outweigh an MSR 4:1 easily, but you work.  And that’s what I’m looking for in a stove baby, fire.  You got it.  You’re the Kalashnikov of camp stoves.

I’m on my third Coleman 502 that I picked up just before this trip on EBay.  The previous stoves went ‘missing.’  It’s still in the box for under $30.   I’ve never broke one and never had one fail me.  So here’s to you trusty Coleman 502… you’re the tits.

Dear MSR.  If you find this and want to try and send me a free stove to change my opinion you can shove it.